To know and experience grief and loss may be one of the more deeply personal experiences we can face as human beings. Yet, it is so universal. Each of us experiences it one way or another, at some point in our lives.
Whether it’s the death of a loved one, loss of an employment opportunity, an injury that causes us to grieve, the end of a relationship
– it can feel overwhelming and impact our lives significantly. However, grief and loss can also be experienced in more micro forms such as navigating a change that feels we have lost something important to us.
The purpose of this blog is to offer a compassionate perspective on how to understand and respond to grief and hopefully you’ll finish reading with a better understanding on how we can recover from these events.
Grief is often more complex than we anticipate.
Recovery from grief is often portrayed as a linear process, with stages to be followed, a timeline that we anticipate we will be “healed” and “back to normal” by. However, the truth is that grief is not that straightforward or predictable. It’s important to note that often grief is something that presents throughout life, even long after the event has occurred.
People experience grief completely differently, there is no “correct” or “right way” to process grief and recover.
Kübler-Ross’s 5 Stages of Grief model
is useful in understanding the different stages of grief, as a guide and starting point. It identifies different stages that we can empathise with – denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and finally, acceptance. There are other difficult emotions we may experience during the grief journey, such as feeling guilt, or even relief.
It’s completely possible to experience more than one conflicting emotion at one time. Some experience joy and peace in their grief, despite feeling filled with sadness. It’s common and it’s normal to feel a myriad of emotions that resemble that of a rollercoaster.
What is important, is that we don’t judge ourselves for being human, for feeling what we feel in these difficult events, and that we normalise taking the time it needs to recover. When we push ourselves to stop or avoid our emotions, we delay our healing process and can cause ourselves further difficulties. It has been said that the best way “to heal is to feel”.
No one really talks about some of the social challenges and intricacies related to grief. When we grieve, we may feel both the need for support but also the desire to isolate.
It’s not uncommon for people to feel overwhelmed in social situations following experiences of grief, for many different reasons. Often people feel unsure of how to behave, what to say, how much to share with others who aren’t having the same experience of grief. Sometimes people report to feel pressure to pretend they are as unaffected as they are, or feel an obligation to try to “keep it together” to avoid “burdening” their loved ones, and they may feel pressure that they should have “dealt with” their grief already, as though there is a date it expires by.
All or any of these examples may feel relevant to a person who is or has experienced grief. And despite the
challenges in remaining connected to others when grieving, it is essential to create a support system in difficult times.
A support system can take different forms. For example, it may present as giving and receiving support from family and friends, making an appointment with a local GP for a health check or referral, connection to community or engaging with a grief counsellor or some other clinician.
Practical Tools for Grief
While each person’s story and experience of grief is different, here are some practical tools that can support healing:
- Engage in grief counselling
- Grief counselling provides an emotionally safe space to develop coping strategies, process and let go, build resilience and acknowledge and name emotions.
- Grief counselling provides an emotionally safe space to develop coping strategies, process and let go, build resilience and acknowledge and name emotions.
- Join a grief support group or community
- Connecting with others who are also grieving can be comforting. Grief support groups provide a sense of community and understanding. Groups like GriefLine or The Compassionate Friends Australia offer both online and in-person support groups for people experiencing loss.
- Online social media groups such as Good Mourning create podcasts that provide educational content, share stories, interview grief experts, and aim to provide a range of resources. There are others also and it’s ok to find what works for you.
- Connecting with others who are also grieving can be comforting. Grief support groups provide a sense of community and understanding. Groups like GriefLine or The Compassionate Friends Australia offer both online and in-person support groups for people experiencing loss.
- Prioritising self-care
- When grieving, and during high stress periods, we require more rest. It’s important to take care of ourselves – body, mind and spirit. This may look like regular exercise (a walk, a jog, yoga, stretching), prioritising nutritious meals, continuing hygiene practices and getting quality sleep. It may look like regular reading, time outside in nature, or use of enjoyable activities. And it may look like a connection to a higher power, prayer, mindfulness, meditation.
- Essentially the focus is on activities that leave you feeling nourished.
- When grieving, and during high stress periods, we require more rest. It’s important to take care of ourselves – body, mind and spirit. This may look like regular exercise (a walk, a jog, yoga, stretching), prioritising nutritious meals, continuing hygiene practices and getting quality sleep. It may look like regular reading, time outside in nature, or use of enjoyable activities. And it may look like a connection to a higher power, prayer, mindfulness, meditation.
- Develop a routine
- Grief disrupts our normal. Developing a routine to follow can create some sense of normalcy and a sense of stability that can ground us during difficult times.
- Grief disrupts our normal. Developing a routine to follow can create some sense of normalcy and a sense of stability that can ground us during difficult times.
- Grief journaling
- Engaging in regular grief journaling practices allows us to process emotions, track our journey of grief, and reflect on memories. It helps to release intense feelings, gain clarity, and promote healing. Journaling also serves as a tool for self-reflection, memory preservation, and building acceptance, supporting those grieving as they navigate their loss and find a path forward.
Grief is a journey of learning to accept and live with loss, adaptation to what is new, finding new paths and meanings. Grief is closely connected to love – we have been marked, and moved and changed. It may be slow, but it can also be empowering and transformative.
If you’re looking to make an appointment with a professional who can assist you with grief, our service is able to help. Contact us or reach out to our friendly reception team to make an appointment today.
Important Disclaimer
The information in this article is for educational purposes only, is not specific to each individual circumstance, and is not intended as a replacement for professional counselling, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or someone you know is experiencing significant mental health issues, please seek support from a licensed professional.
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